Elsa Lanchester, Bride of Frankenstein
Hazel Court, Premature Burial
Kim Cattrall and Suzee Pai, Big Trouble in Little China
Jennifer Beals, The Bride
Helena Bonham Carter, Corpse Bride
Gloria Talbott, I Married a Monster From Outer Space
Jennifer Tilly, Bride of Chucky
Barbara Payton, Bride of the Gorilla
Susan Sarandon, The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Yvonne Monlaur, The Brides of Dracula
Nancy Travis, So I Married an Axe Murderer
Joanna Lumley, The Satanic Rites of Dracula
Winona Ryder, Beetlejuice
Gilda Radner, Haunted Honeymoon
Silvia Colloca, Josie Maran, and Elena Anaya, Van Helsing
Madeline Kahn, Young Frankenstein
"She's alive! Alive!" And for decades of horror fans, we can add, "She's hot! Hot!" Yes, my friends, that little white-streaked beehive dish has been an icon of horror and marriage (same thing?) since 1935. Look at her. And if you doubt her humanity, keep in mind that just minutes after she reanimates she dumps the monster for the doctor. The more things change the more they stay the same.
This one's a stretch. Consider her the dark horse. Emily Gault (old-school scream queen Hazel Court) is a gold digger out to land herself a trophy husband. Unfortunately, that man is whacked-out Guy Carrell (Ray Milland), who's convinced that he will someday be buried alive. As you know, No. 16 always has a slim chance against No. 1. So let's acknowledge that the lavender dresses on Gault's bridesmaids are simply delicious.
Why marry one green-eyed girl when you can marry two for the same price? In short, there is no good reason. As the nefarious David Lo Pan knows (as does director John Carpenter), you can't go wrong when you're doubling up with the likes of Kim Cattrall (Sex and the City) and Suzee Pai (fewer credits, just as hot).
Wait! Didn't we already do a bride of Frankenstein? Well, yes, but wasn't there already a Michael Myers, a Jason Voorhees, and a handful of Batmen? Welcome to the world of public domain that brought you Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. It's okay! The author's dead. No one will care! Honest! This time around, Flashdance's Jennifer Beals takes a turn as horror's leading lady. What a feeling!
Ah, poor Corpse Bride. Just sitting there, rotting away like a good corpse when some dumb ass comes along and puts a shiny ring on her decomposing finger. Too bad for you, Victor, that in the Land of the Dead that constitutes a wedding vow. (Oddly, the same rules apply in Kentucky.) Emily is a strong contender in no small part because she's one of the good guys in a lineup of girls your mother warned you about.
Flip back the wedding calendar to 1958 and you'll find Marge Bradley Farrell married to an Invasion of the Body Snatchers rip-off. Stuck in the American glory days that Tom Brokaw is always shoving down our mouths, Marge is all about one thing and one thing only: making babies. When she can't fulfill her maternal destiny, she starts snooping around and learns her man has a dark backstory. Strangely, it's no comedy.
Jennifer Tilly is smoking as it is, but drop her into three feet of plastic? Well, hell, I'll be her friend till the end. This fourth installment of the Child's Play series sees Chucky heading down the aisle with a green-eyed demon doll. She'll kiss you, she'll cut you, she'll offer you up as a sacrifice. In short, before you trip down the aisle you better know she's stamped "Made in Hell."
Time for a serious throwback, to 1951, and the sizzling bride portrayed by Barbara Payton. The romance here is hardly conventional as Payton's Mrs. Dina Van Gelder winds up the love interest of a -- get this -- were-gorilla. No joke. Still, it's Barbara Payton. Enough for a seed in the tourney.
Does Rocky Horror qualify as horror (its title notwithstanding)? I don't know. But this fetching fiancée puts the "cold" in cold feet. You know, "cold," as in "corpses"? Corpses being part of horror? Hello? Is this thing on? Genre puns aside, Janet is clearly a front-runner. Okay, so she didn't tie the knot exactly, but clearly she's good to go with Brad, Frank-N-Furter, and Rocky himself.
Yes, I know we already have the recent brides of Dracula in the No. 3 slot, but these are the original. This is a crazy Dracula flick because there's no Dracula in it. Gina, Marianne, Greta, and others: there's a lot of dead-living and dead-dead swinging going on in this one. Hey, it's a classic Hammer Film flick from 1960. It's got to go in.
In all of moviedom, there is only one hard-hearted harbinger of haggis, and that is Harriet, the bride in this cult-classic comedy. She's an interesting contender because she's neither supernatural nor psychotic. Boring? A bit. Still she's branded as Mrs. X, a woman who bumps off new husbands on their wedding nights. Definitely a different take on the ol' honeymoon boom boom.
Also known as Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride, this 1973 schlock-er was a wild film way ahead of its time, combining one great Prince of Darkness (Christopher Lee), a bioterror plot, and a sappy love story featuring Joanna Lumley as the beautiful bride-to-be. Alas, she never achieves marital bliss, proving the saying, "Always the (undead) bridesmaid, never the (undead) bride."
Lydia, you teasing piece of jailbait. Just in case your first dose of Winona Ryder was as Spock's mom in Star Trek, check out this 1988 flick showcasing her back in the days of skipping school and going goth (way before Twilight). She may never tie the knot with Beetlejuice, but she's still a Princess of the Underworld.
If you're too young to know who Gilda Radner is, shame on you for being born lately. This wee comedic genius was part of the original Saturday Night Live cast and gave us home runs like Roseanne Roseannadanna. She also took a turn as Gene Wilder's horror bride in Haunted Honeymoon. Since she's got to put up with a cross-dressing Dom DeLuise, she deserves a shot at the title.
Verona, Marishka, and Aleera -- oh my! Three brides for the price of one: could it get any hotter or any more goth? Or is that "any more goth-ier"? Sure, a trio of Edwardian hotties decked out like Stevie Nicks is a sight to behold, but the "three-for-one hickeys" sale leaves nothing to be desired. Big Love for the horror set indeed.
You can't do a Horror Bride tournament without the stunning Elizabeth from Young Frankenstein. No. 14 is one of the genre's greatest comedic creations. She starts out engaged to Dr. Frankenstein, ends up married to the monster. And if you've seen the film, you know I'm talking a very happy ending.
MATCH_"She's alive! Alive!" And for decades of horror fans, we can add, "She's hot! Hot!" Yes, my friends, that little white-streaked beehive dish has been an icon of horror and marriage (same thing?) since 1935. Look at her. And if you doubt her humanity, keep in mind that just minutes after she reanimates she dumps the monster for the doctor. The more things change the more they stay the same.
